If Your Husband Ever Finds Out: 11 of the Most Sexist Vintage Marketing Fails Ever

I’m gonna be honest. These are some really terrible ads. We’ve done a few of these lists so far and most of the marketing fails we’ve found scattered out across the interwebs are funny—or at least odd enough to stand out. Vintage marketing 

But these… man oh man. Vintage marketing 

These fall into the more “shocking” category. And although I realize that women in our society still get a raw deal in many areas, it’s amazing how far we’ve come over the last century.

Don’t believe me? Just take a look at the slides below.  Vintage marketing 

1. Nothing but Celophane

I’m almost certain this is actually a joke. I’m praying that this is a joke.

But, as far as I can tell, this monstrosity is the real deal.

So, along with reducing your wife to some sort of slave-dog hybrid—fetch your slippers, respond when you snap your fingers—this booklet claims to use science to turn her into what basically amounts to a zombie.

So, so bad.

2. Slacks and Violence

This is an ad for slacks.

Slacks.

Someone thought that this pile of vaguely violent misogeny would convince men to buy pants. Pants called “Mr. Leggs.”

At least there’s a bit of a caveat in the copy that assures us that the dude in the pants didn’t actually shoot the poor tiger-lady. At least there’s that.

3. Lucky Tiger

This one is pretty self-explanatory.

The strangest thing actually might the fact that that tiger has weird mens’ legs.

4. Face(s) of Meth

Apparently, not only is amphetamine sulphate great for “dispersing” unwanted fact, it also improves the purity of your blood.

And of course, after a couple bumps you’ll have plenty of energy to do the household chores.

Walter White probably wishes he’d lived back in the late 1930s.

5. Wate-On

Fortunately, if you overdo it with the uppers from the last ad, there’s a cure.

Wate-On will help “fill out your shape.”

There’s even a “super strength” version.

6. The Pillow’s a Nice Addition

This is an ad for insurance.

I hope that this business is no longer around.

I also hope that this is a joke.

But, you can’t always get what you want.

7. Life’s Biggest Questions

This isn’t sexist so much as just weird.

What has to happen in your life to come to the realization that yes, you’ve been resisting Tampax your entire life up to this very moment? Yes, you realize, there is a Tampax-shaped hole in your heart, and you will never be complete until you get down on your knees, confess your fears and doubts, and accept Tampax as your personal Lord and hygiene solution.

Also, what’s up with that lady’s hat?

Maybe pondering her fashion choices might be a better use of her intellectual energy.

8. If He Ever Finds Out

So, yeah, this one is bad.

Seems a little dark for a coffee ad.

But maybe the bigger question is this: Did husbands used to actually spank their wives? I thought that was solely a parent/child transaction.

Huh.

Shows what I know.

9. Good Bye

A couple things.

One, what’s a “flu-hangover”?

And two, it’ll give me “a new joy for living”?

Sweet. Sign me up.

10. Worries are Over

This lady is thrilled that her family’s constipation woes are over.

Fantastic.

My question is what is she feeding them that backs all of them up at the same time. That might be a good place to start.

Easy on canned meat meals, mom.

Maybe vegetables hadn’t been invented yet?

11. Uhhhh…

Yes.

Yes it is.

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